I miss those Blue eyes
by Bandgeekwriter89
Summary: Kate starts to go blind but is to scared to tell anyone for fear of losing her job. She does not even want to tell Castle. One chapter for now but I may add more later!
1. Chapter 1

It's been weeks since she'd been able to see clearly. She can't see her paperwork, she can't see the menu at the restaurant, and she can't even see the tabs on the diaper clearly to close it on her six-month-old son. She wants to tell someone, but she's afraid she'll lose her job as captain.

—

He can see the signs. The minivan hasn't been driven in at least a week, she's asking him questions that normally wouldn't be a big deal, and her skills of changing diapers that were once amazingly fast have turned into the speed of a grandma.

What's her issue though? He's got many things going through his head, but he's going to get to the bottom of it. Castle loves his wife and to see this change in her is hard for him. He wants to know what's wrong and help her.

—

Getting up that morning, Castle sees it first hand. Following Kate into the nursery he watches as she reaches into the crib to pick up their half-asleep son. She misses though and hits the kid right in the face, causing him to erupt into cries of pain from Kate's hand hitting him. She feels bad for what she just did and tries again. This time grasping him awkwardly and slowly and carefully picking him up. She coos as she does, trying to calm his crying.

"I'm so sorry," She tells the boy, rocking him slowly as she moves to the rocker to feed him. Castle wants to help, but he's not sure what to say. He does not want to startle Kate and make her confess to her issues. He wants to get answers from Kate, but only when she's ready. Walking over to Kate, Castle kisses the two of them and walks out of the nursery heading downstairs to make breakfast. Since Sidney has come into the world Kate took a few weeks off to be with him but missed being at work too, so she had Castle stay at home with him. It wasn't bad because Castle enjoyed doing it and he got to spend time with his son, rather than send him with a nanny or a babysitter.

Finishing up the feeding, Kate brings Sidney downstairs so she can get in some breakfast before getting dressed and heading into work. What would have been a quick run down the stairs takes Kate some time because she can't see clearly in front of her. Knowing she has her son in her arms, she tries to be careful. She'd kill herself if something happened on her watch to her son.

Lifting him into the high chair, Kate fumbles trying to put Sidney in the chair. It's rather blurry in front of her, and she can't seem to get his legs in the holes. Once she does she then struggles to get the strap buckled.

"Can I help you?" Castle asks setting some eggs down for the child so he could have a snack.

"No! I'm fine!" Kate pouts finally getting the buckle latched.

"You just looked like you were having a hard time." He sighs watching his wife walk away frustrated.

The rest of the morning between the couple is silent as the two buzz around to get ready. Since Castle had become the stay at home dad and pretty much dropped his involvement with the NYPD, Kate and him made a deal at beginning that every three cases he could come back for a few days and keep his consultant status at the 12th. It was hard because both wanted to be home with Sidney but also wanted to be back at work.

Having finished getting ready, Kate makes sure she has all she needs and that there are plenty of bottles of breast milk ready so that Martha can watch Sid for the day. Trying to put him in his swing was easier said than done. For one, Kate was having issues getting his feet in and once she got that she was having more issues getting the buckle closed. To see it clearly she had to move her head pretty close. Giving him a kiss on the head, Kate pulled away and thanked Martha before the couple headed out to work for the day.

The two were quiet most of the drive to the precinct. Kate knew she had to tell Castle, but telling Castle could mean losing her job. Although she knew, the longer she waited, the worse it could get. The more untreated she went, the more her eyes would stay this way.

Shifting Kate stands in front of the murder board trying to squint to read it. Maybe if I just squint harder, I can read it better. That was the thought anyways. It worked a bit till Kate started getting a headache. She had to move closer. Moving closer though meant risking herself and someone figuring out.

Castle had been standing behind her when he noticed her step toward the board. It was then; all the pieces started to come together. All the struggles she had this morning and now this? Kate was having trouble seeing. Now that Castle figured out what he thought was wrong, he just had to now figure out how to ask Kate what was going on.

—

This case was a doozy. It went on for days, and the couple couldn't seem to solve it. Which meant plenty more times in front of the murder board. It was clear as a bell now that Castle could see Kate struggling to see.

"Kate?" He asks softly.

"What?!" She groans turning to see her husband. She gets dizzy in the process and has to steady herself before looking up at him.

"You alright?" He asks her watching her turn away.

"Just fine," She responds as Castle comes closer and tries to pull her in.

"No you're not, and you and I both know it." He sighs softly pulling her into a hug. She's crying now because as she looks up she can barely make out a face in front of her.

"I've been watching, it's your eyes, isn't it," He says studying his wife's face. She nods as she continues to cry feeling the tears fall from her already blurry eyes.

"Will you talk to me?" He asks pulling her chin up and brushing the hair out of her face. Kate has to pause for a little bit because, honestly, she was not ready to talk about it. I don't think she'd ever be ready.

"It started a month ago." She starts softly, pulling away more so the couple can look eye to eye.

"I woke up one morning, and it was blurry, I thought maybe it was just from sleep."

"But then it did not go away, I tried to make it go away, but nothing helped." She sighs softly rubbing her eyes hoping it was all just a dream

No such luck.

"Does it hurt?" Castle asks trying to get a basis on what might be wrong so when they go see a doctor they have what they need to tell him.

"No, Its just blurry, and I'm sad because I haven't seen you clearly in about a month. I miss you, Castle, I really do." She tells him, she's trying to squint so she can see him better, but that's just making her headache return.

—

She tries to call the doctor and get in to see him, but he's not open for a month, and that's time Kate does not want to have to wait for. So, because Castle is so worried for Kate, he tells her that after the case he will take her to the ER.

The case ends in two days and after work Castle drags her down to their car and off to the hospital. They need answers, and the two of them hope this will help. Getting out of the car, Castle walks around and takes his wife's hand so they can walk in together. They know it will be a wait, but they would rather wait here then wait weeks to see a doctor.

About an hour later the two are called back, and the exam starts. They start with the normal eye tests before then going on to do a visual field test. By the end of the visit, its been determined that something is going on with Kate's eyes. Her field of vision is pretty low, and she can't see clearly but anything that's about two feet in front of her face.

This news was pretty hard for Kate to take in, but at least she had answers. She just needed to know what was causing these issues with her eyes and that hopefully they could be fixed.

"Can you tell my why this is happening?" Kate asks sitting on the bed with Castle sitting in the chair next to her and holding her hand.

"Well, from the tests I have run it appears that what you have is Glaucoma." The doctor tells her sighing softly. He continues by explaining what Glaucoma is and what it does to her eyes. They are only halfway through when Kate is starting to feel tired and that she was done and ready for this to be over with.

"I want to see if we can help this by first getting you some glasses." The doctor tells her as Kate tiredly lays on Castle.

"I'll let you sleep; I know this is a lot to take in," He adds, getting up and leaving their small ER booth. Kate is exhausted and by now has a pounding headache from all the tests she's had to endure.

"Sleep my love." Castle sighs getting on the bed and pulling his wife close so she can sleep on him. The ER doctor had decided to admit Kate for the night so they could monitor her and see if anything else was wrong. He did though let them sleep for an hour before moving them so Kate could at least get some sleep in.

Getting up an hour later, Castle now has to wake up his half asleep and way to upset wife so they can move to a room.

"S'no…" She trails off as Castle tries to lift her up.

"Come on baby, I'll carry you, just help me, please." Castle sighs loudly as Kate starts to whimper.

"Baby please, I know this is hard, just five minutes and you can go back to sleep."

As he lifted her up, the whimpers had turned to sobs, ugly dirty sobs. The kind that will get a shirt wet pretty fast. This made Castle feel horrible. There was nothing at this point he could do to help. All he could do was hold her and let her cry it out.

Getting her standing, the two carefully walked out of the ER and to the elevator. They just had to go up two floors to her room, and Kate could lay back down and sleep. They made it, but Kate was too awake now to even think about sleeping.

"My baby Castle." Kate sobs loudly.

"You, I can't see you."

"I know baby I know, I'm so sorry," Castle says helping Kate into the bed and pulling himself close to her.

"I want my baby; I want to see him grow up."

"You will baby, you will." Castle sighs giving a tighter hug to his wife.

"Just sleep, we will figure it all out in the morning," He says feeling his wife body heave as she sobs herself to sleep. He had wanted this to be a dream. That the two would wake up and everything would be fine. That the two could live happily ever after and watch their son grow up to be the amazing man, they hoped he'd be. Even though this was not a dream, Castle was going to do everything he could to make their life as livable and most comfortable as he could.

"Goodnight baby, Love you…"

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed this! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

It was his blue eyes she missed the most, and the smile of her son. His bright half toothy grin that would erupt in laughter as she tickled him. Those memories are ones she would cherish forever, or at least try to.

Sighing Kate sits up in the bed. She studies the sounds she hears hoping to tell if Castle is in the room with her. She needs to take her meds but its super blurry this morning and really all she can see is a giant blob of color. Not enough for her to trust herself heading to the bathroom and deciphering a pill from God knows what. Yes, she had learned her house but she was just not feeling it this morning.

"Momma!" A smiling seven-year-old comes running in the bedroom attempting to jump on the bed.

"Hi, Sidney, please be careful." Kate smiles, her eyes looking off into the distance.

"Have you seen daddy?" She asks hoping the boy would know where her husband was.

"He was getting Toria." The boy says shifting on the bed as Kate hears footsteps coming down the hall.

"Wanna see mommy?" Castle asks, walking down the hall holding his two-year-old on his hip. A few years after Kate was diagnosed the couple found out Kate was pregnant. Her sight was still rather blurry but not as bad as it was today. Although the couple wants more kids, Kate is not sure she can do it now that her sight is almost gone.

"Look who I found!" Castle beams walking into the room and watching Kate's head turn towards him. He walks closer and sits next to Sidney and Kate on the bed adjusting the two-year-old Victoria on his lap. She's squirmy as she really wants to go sit with her mom.

"Hold on Toria, mommy has to get her meds first," Castle says kissing his daughter and setting her on the bed next to Sidney and Kate. Getting up he kisses Kate and quickly scurries to the bathroom and coming back with a handful of pills and an eye dropper squirt bottle.

"Take these pills but then lean back, I need to put in your drops, we missed yesterday." Castle exhales, remembering the struggle they had yesterday and the crying fit that ended them in just giving up. Handing Kate a cup of water so she could down the pills he helps her finish and then helps her tilt her head back. Every morning the family sits on the bed while Castle helps Kate take her meds and every morning Sidney watches Castle put the little drops in his wife's eyes. Castle has never been sure why he does this but as long as he does not get to close it does not matter.

"Kate please, honey, I need you to be still." He sighs watching as Kate just won't stop moving.

"You're gunna poke my eye!" She pouts as Castle moves his wife's bangs out of her face.

"Babe, I won't I promise,"

"I thought we were good at this," He sighs again giving his wife a small peck.

"Everything feels different; I feel like it's going to poke my eye," She responds.

"But it's not, just two small drops in each eye and I'm done, let me do this and we can go eat."

Kate's arms are crossed as she tries so hard to keep her eyes open for the drops and make it easy on Castle. The two are done moments later and headed down the stairs for breakfast. Castle is holding onto Victoria as Sidney is holding his mom's hand and guiding her down the stairs.

"What should daddy make to eat? Eggs?" He asks setting Victoria in her highchair and coming over to help Kate onto a barstool.

"YUM! Yes please!" Kate smiles rubbing her eyes knowing she's not supposed to.

"Ah-Ah I saw that," Castle says cracking an egg into the pan.

"You know the rules, no rubbing for 15 minutes, you have to let it sink in, or it will not do its job." The man sighs shifting and cracking another egg. He hands Sidney his eggs as he scrambles five eggs for him, Kate and one egg for Victoria. He's found that scrambled eggs work a lot better for Kate when she has to eat unassisted. She still spills every now and then but definitely not as much as she did in the beginning.

"I'll set a timer, you have about seven minutes, I'll give you an extra large kiss if you can make it the whole time." He chuckles softly.

"Hey, Lucy!" Castle calls hoping to wake up his talking personal assistant.

"Can you set a timer for seven minutes? Maybe congratulate Kate at the end."

"Sure thing," Lucy says back to Castle as the program in her starts an internal clock to go off in seven minutes. The family begins to eat, and as Sidney has finished, Lucy announces that the seven minutes was up.

"Congrats Kate!" Lucy says brightly as Castle gives a thank you to Lucy and a big kiss to his wife.

"Just like I said." He chuckles softly reaching for a napkin and wiping the little dot of ketchup that had been on his wife's face.

"We should go get dressed, Sidney you have school soon," Castle says getting up and grabbing plates and putting them in the dishwasher. He then comes back from the dishwasher and watches as Kate carefully gets down from the barstool and walks her way over the few feet to get Victoria out of the high chair. Despite feeling pretty weird this morning, Kate gets her daughter out with ease and feels great when she can put her on her hip.

"School in an hour, you must go get ready now if you want to be on time." Lucy says, reminding them of the time and if need be, the traffic. When Castle had bought Lucy years ago he hadn't used her much but ever since Kate started losing her sight, they family used her all the time. Kate can ask the time, also check the calendar, see what the weather is, and almost anything that make Kate's day just a little easier. It's also good that she reminds them because there are mornings where it's just been Kate, having to get the boy off to school and she welcomes the help.

"Ok, Sidney, let's go get dressed, Mommy and Toria will walk with us today, we all need some fresh air." Castle smiles watching Kate try and tickle Victoria as she holds her. The little two-year-old is laughing, and it makes the adults smile. She loved trying to make her daughter laugh.

"Come on you bugs, let's go." Castle chuckles softly as she tells his wife he's going to put a hand on her back and lead her up the stairs. Unlike a deaf person, Kate can't see much but can hear really well and with a deaf person you would half to tap their back to get their attention. Castle is always careful how he approaches his wife, so he does not scare or startle her. Carefully helping his family up the stairs, he sends Sidney down to his room and takes Victoria to her room to budge her up in something warm. Since Kate no longer has her job, the family relies on Castle and his writing. He's still making pretty big bucks, but it's a fear for both of them that everything could go south, and they would not have anything left.

"Remember Sidney, put warm clothes on, it's cold outside," Kate tells her son as he runs off to his room to throw on some clothes and get his backpack for school.

Coming back out moments later it's as if Kate dressed him for the day. A little mismatched as Kate's not good with colors. Castle chuckles softly and decides to take him back quickly and find something else to put on. Kate is in the hallway with a rather heavy Victoria on her hip as she watches the two blurry blobs walk away.

"I guess I'll just stay here." Kate sighs as she stands in the middle of the hallway waiting for the two blurry blobs to come back into her view.

"How do I look?" The seven-year-old asks as he poses for his mom after running out of his room.

"Well, since your father dressed you, I can only guess he did a good job." She smiles as she adjusts Victoria.

Walking over slowly Castle tells Kate he's going to take Victoria from her and head down the stairs. Sidney comes behind his mother and reaches out for his mother s hand so he can help her.

"Mommy?" Sidney asks as the two are walking down the stairs carefully.

"What baby?" Kate asks carefully stepping down the stairs with the guidance of her son.

"Do you love me?" He asks as they make it to the last step.

"Always." She smiles off into the distance.

"Why don't you look at me when you say it sometimes?" He asks as Kate tries to kneel down to his level but is not even infant of him.

"You know how Mommy can't see very well right?" She asks him.

"Yeah." He responds.

"Well, sometimes when you talk to Mommy I can't see you and it's hard to judge where you are, so it may look like I'm not listening, or I don't care, but I do, I'm just trying to listen really hard so I can hear your pretty voice and talk to you." She smiles feeling a warm presence come closer to her. She reaches out and pulls him in the best she can.

"Oh," He says hugging his mom back.

"I love you all the time ok?"

"Don't you ever forget that." She smiles kissing him softly before standing and taking his hand so they can walk to school. In the last few years, a new school was built down the street a few blocks from them, and the couple had volunteered to send Sidney there as one of the new students. It was nice because it was so close and the family did not have to take the subway like before, to get to school.

Walking out the door the family heads down the street and the few blocks to school. They get to the playground, and Victoria really wanted to play, but right now the family did not have time, and honestly Kate was not fond of parks and playgrounds because her kids would always want to have her watch things they were doing. Kate could see the blurry blob on the swings but the blurry blob was always rather small, and it killed her not to be able to see her kids have fun.

Walking into the classroom, Sidney drags his mom to his seat and makes her stand next to him.

"I see we have a new student." Mrs. Parks smiles seeing Sidney sit in his seat with his mom.

"I'm only getting a tour." Kate chuckles as Castle stands at the door with Victoria.

"I see." Mrs. Parks nods watching Sidney show off his desk to his mom.

"Sidney, mommy, and daddy have to go, say goodbye to mommy," Castle says as he walks over and carefully takes his wife's hand. Sidney gives her a hug and the three leave Sidney's class and head out to the playground.

"Just a few minutes baby," Castle tells Victoria as he lets her go get on the slide.

The family leaves soon after and heads home. Victoria needed a nap and Kate felt it was a good time to get in some of her audio book she had started; and while Kate listened to her book, Castle was going to work on his newest in the Nikki Heat series he had started on. A perfect way to spend the afternoon. Reading and writing. Couldn't get any better.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: so I had planned to make this longer but my tendonitis in my wrist is acting up. Enjoy this though because I feel I did pretty good. Let me know too, what you want to see. I could use some ideas.

It was the day before winter break for Sidney and Kate could feel his excitement. It had been snowing pretty badly this last week but not enough to warrant any snow days. Plus it was just a few days before break so they figured they could hold on till then anyways. Feeling the bed shift, Kate turns over and moves her hands around to tell if Castle is next to her.

"You awake?" Kate asks, trying to pull herself closer to her husband so she can snuggle.

"S'yes." Castle groans as he rolls over and kisses his wife on the head.

"Cant sleep." Kate sighs nuzzling into the back of Castle's neck.

"Me either." He responds as he sits up more and pulls his wife into him.

"Its not that early, should I go get your meds?" He asks moving hair from his wife's eyes.

She shakes her head.

The couple has been struggling with Kate's eye drops lately and Kate is just done. She does not mind taking the pills but its the drops that get her. With what little Kate can see, she knows it's just the drops but because it's so blurry her brain tells her its something bad and she has to move around and flinch.

"Not ready." She tells him shifting uncomfortably in the bed.

"Hey, I promise I won't hut you." Castle sighs giving his wife a small kiss.

"I know, but it looks weird from my end, it confuses my brain and I can't handle it." She sighs softly trying to hold in the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

"I wish I could see things from your side."

"I wan't to know what its like, I mean I know you can see some things, right?" He asks her.

"Yeah, I mean, you're just a blob to me, a big blurry blob with black around the edges, Its kinda like looking through a toilet paper tube but with the edges blurry." She tells him.

"Ive stopped using my glasses because they just don't work anymore, nothing seems to help."

"I feel though that it's not getting worse, so thats a bonus." She chuckles softly staring into the distance.

"Why don't we shower, the kids will be up in an hour and I'd rather have that done before they do." Castle mentions, as he lets go of his wife.

"Good idea." Kate smiles feeling him let go of her. She pulls slightly not ready to let him go, but she has to, if they want to shower before the kids get up.

Walking into the bathroom, Castle turns the shower on and flips the light in the bedroom and bathroom. This will help the couple so Castle can safely get his wife to the shower without any accidents.

Heading back to the bed, Castle walks over to Kate's side.

"Ok, I'm coming towards you, I'm going to stick my hands out and grab yours, I need you to put your feet over the edge of the bed." Castle starts, as Kate does as she's told.

"Ok, now I'm going to grab your hands and lift you up, let me know if things feel weird, I can stop." He sighs as he carefully lifts his wife up and off the bed. She's a little wobbly this morning so he's careful to not shake her to much. Helping his wife to the bathroom he tells her he's going to strip and then help her change. Once the two are naked, Castle helps Kate into the warm running water and directs her to the hand rail they had installed in the shower.

"Do you want me to help you wash your hair?" Castle asks as the water hits them and quickly warms them up.

"I want to do it today." Kate tells him waiting for him to put the shampoo in her hands. Lately it's been back and forth with Kate as she wants to do most everything herself. Grabbing her shampoo, Castle takes one of his wife's hands and squirts the liquid into it. lifting her hand up, Kate starts rubbing it into her hair. She feels like she's doing a good job until she can feel the sting. She's gotten shampoo into her eyes and she's freaking out at what to do.

She screams.

The sting has hit her eyes.

The pain is almost unbearable.

"Kate! Whats wrong?" Castle worries as Kate is trying to get her hands clean but can't seem to find the water.

"Did you get soap in your eyes?"

"I did, help please!" She cries out as she finally finds the water and lets it rinse her hands off.

"Ok, let me tilt your head back, I'll let the water wash it out." He explains as he carefully moves Kate so he can tilt her head back and let the water clean the soap. She's flinching, the weirdness of the water hitting her eyes is to much for her.

"Baby please, hold still, I'm trying to get the soap out." He pleads as he feels her jerk more. He knows it hurts and wants to make it go away but can't if she won't calm down.

"I can't keep my eyes open, it feels weird." Kate cries as she shuts her eyes closed.

"Just trust me on this one Kate, a few more times and I'll have the soap out." He's trying to help her but its so hard to see her like this. struggling to get by and do just the simplest of task and wash her hair. He knows she likes being as independent as her eyes will let her but sometimes Castle feels like he has to take over and help her. With Kate jerking back and forth it takes them longer than they wanted but finally Kate has clean eyes.

Finishing another ten minutes later, Castle helps Kate out of the shower and hands her a towel so she can dry off. once she's dry he helps her over to the bed and lets her sit on the edge of it.

"Let me get some boxers on and a shirt and then I will help you get dressed." He smile softly as he dresses quickly and then comes back to help Kate. He starts with her bra and then moves on to her underwear before helping her pick out a nice shirt and a pair of jeans. Helping her into those clothes he then goes for a pair of socks and helps her put on her tennis shoes before going back into the bathroom to get her meds. He comes back and helps her take the pills and with just a little bit of a struggle he puts the drops in her eyes.

"I'm going to go start breakfast, do you want to come downstairs with me?" Castle asks as he throws on a pair of jeans and some socks.

"Yes please, I'm sure the kids will be up soon." She chuckles softly as Castle puts on his shoes and walks over to Kate. He helps her up and the two head out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. Since they have been eating a lot of eggs lately, Castle decides to make some emergency pancakes to hopefully help Kate feel better. Its been a struggle this morning and anything to brighten the situation will do them good. Finishing the first batch of pancakes he gives some to Kate and downs one so he can go get Sidney up for school.

"I'm going to go get Sidney up, will you be ok for a few minutes?" He asks as he comes around the island and gives his wife a kiss.

"Yes, I promise I wont move." She chuckles softly taking a bite of her pancake.

"HaHa, very funny." Castle says rolling his eyes as he heads for the stairs.

"I saw that!" She chuckles hearing his footsteps as he walks away. Castle is confused, how could his wife see his eye roll? She's a mom, mom's can sense these things.

Helping Sidney down the stairs as he holds onto Victoria, he leads the child to the kitchen and puts Victoria into her high chair before helping Sidney onto a barstool.

"Goodmorning Sid!" Kate smiles leaning over and trying to kiss her son. She misses and Sidney laughs as she does.

"Give mommy a kiss, I missed." She smiles waiting for her son to kiss her. He does and she smiles again feeling is wet kiss on her cheek.

"When is Santa coming?" He asks knowing it was pretty soon that he would be on christmas break.

"Next week buddy, so soon, you better be good or he won't come." She explains taking the last bite of her pancake.

"Are you being good at school?" She asks.

"Yes! Ive gotten green cards all week!" He beams hoping his mother will be happy with him.

"Thats great buddy, mommy and daddy are so happy!" She smiles back at him reaching for a napkin. She can feel syrup on her face.

Finishing up breakfast, the couple gets Sidney to school and heads off to the store. They need to get a few more gifts for Sidney for christmas and because of the big present they got him they ran out of wrapping paper. Picking up the last few things Kate's phone goes off and Castle helps her answer it. It's Lanie and she wants to help Kate pick out a few small gifts for Castle for christmas. The two decide that She would just meet hem there at the mall and Castle would go home with Victoria. She needed a nap anyways.

when Lanie finally does arrive, Castle leave so things are not spoiled for him. Kate's so indecisive because, what do you get a guy who has everything. She wants to get him a few ties but it's hard because she cant see them. She tries to get Lanie to describe them for her, but even thats not helping. When its all said and done. Kate has picked out two new ties, a nice shirt to match the two and a new otter box case for his iPhone. He'd been complaining that with all the wear and tear on his case from the kids playing with it and all the times he's dropped it to help Kate that he needs a new one. That one was easy. She was glad he at least had hinted at one thing. She always found it so hard to buy for him when he did not say what he wanted.

Checking out of the store, Lanie tells Kate that she's going to treat the woman to lunch before heading home. Kate likes the idea but s scared because its been a while since she;d been out to eat with someone thats not Castle. Not that she does not want to eat, its just hard for her sometimes and she would feel guilty if she had to ask for help from Lanie.

The two finish lunch pretty quickly but decide to sit and talk for a little more. it's been a while since the pair have gone out, now that Kate no longer works for the NYPD. Thats one thing kate for sure misses. She misses having something she had to get up and do everyday. Something that gave her meaning in her life, and just plain something to keep her busy.

After the time together, Lanie makes sure Kate gets home safe and heads home herself. The two had been worn out and by the time Kate got home she went right to the bed and took a nap.


	4. Chapter 4

It was pretty late one night. Almost after midnight. Or so Castle could assume, it'd been a few hours since he had looked at the clock. The couple was almost done wrapping presents. Santa had arrived about an hour ago and left a bunch of gifts for the two children. Sidney was well aware of who Santa was and had been talking about him since the family had had Thanksgiving dinner. Victoria, not so much. She was definitely excited during this time of year but was still too young to understand everything that was going on.

Working on wrapping the last few things, Kate had been instructed to peel the sticker off the bow and stick it on the wrapped present in front of her. Not that Castle minded her wrapping, it was just easier for them to stick to this system. Castle would wrap the presents without ribbon and Kate would put the bow on and the to and from sticker that Castle had peeled off from the sheet and handed her to put on. It was hard for Kate, not being able to help much in the wrapping process, but Castle was ok with that. She was helping and that's all that mattered to him.

The big present this year was a new bike for Sidney. He'd told everyone he could that he wanted a Ninja Turtle bike for Christmas and would be very disappointed if he did not get one. Wanting to get it for him but have it from Santa, Martha and Jim had delivered the bike just two days ago. Now the issue was trying to find a place to hide it from him. It would fit in the hall closet, but, with it being winter the family was always getting in and out of the closet to get their winter coats anytime they went outside. A few more ideas got tossed around until the only thing that was left to hide it in Kate and Castles bathtub. The couple had an en-suite bathroom and with Kate's eye's as bad as they are, the couple rarely used the bathtub. It was mostly showers for the two and most of the time those were shared showers. Having established awhile ago that Sidney was not allowed in their parents bathroom unless told so, made it easy to stash the bike. When looking from the bedroom, the bathtub is not visible and its only like once a day that Sidney ends up in the couple's room so they felt confident they could keep it there. Having it all assembled made it easy for the couple as all they had to do was just put a bow on it and put it under the tree.

Finishing up the last bits of the wrapping, Castle handed Kate a cookie and instructed her to eat it while he cleaned up. Castle would help her to some milk when he was done cleaning up, and the two would turn the fireplace off and go to bed.

"Martha helped me with the cookies, did we do a good job?" Kate asks smiling as she finished hers and heard Castle start on his.

"Oh these are amazing, you guys did a good job." He smiles softly shifting over on the floor to pull himself towards Kate so he can cuddle with her.

"I'm really happy you two got to have some time." He yawns snuggling up to his wife as he tries's not to fall asleep. Hearing a yawn out of Kate as well, he decides the two should go to bed.

"Come on, let's get some sleep before the kids wake us up." Another yawn escapes as he stifles it quickly trying to get up. Letting out a grunt, his old body creeks as he gets himself up and tries to pull his wife up off the floor. Helping her finish off the milk, Castle takes her hand and pulls her to the kitchen to wash the glass before heading to bed.

"I have to put this in the dishwasher, please don't move or you will hit the counter," Castle warns as he opens the dishwasher and puts the cup from the milk on the top rack. She stays quiet as she listens to the dishwasher open up and the sound of the top rack rattling as it's pulled out. It gets closed, and moments later Kate feels her husband's soft hand reaching for hers.

"Come on, I've got you, let's go to bed."

Tugging slightly Castle checks around one more time to make sure the house is clean before helping Kate to the bedroom and into the bed. Pulling the covers down, Castle makes sure Kate will not sit on anything before he lets her sit on the bed.

"Ok, back a step and then you can sit, I don't want you to fall," He says as he carefully helps her back onto the bed. The two are exhausted from spending the night wrapping presents. Castle feels like this is the latest he's stayed up in ages. With two kids, life can sure be crazy and unpredictable, but the couple does like to keep a steady bedtime.

Walking around to his side of the bed, Castle gets in and pulls his wife close to him. He can only hope the two can get some sleep before the two kids wake them up to open presents. Closing his eyes, Castle lets out one more yawn before trying to snuggle as close as he can to his wife. The magic has just begun for the kids, and he is ready for them to experience it but only after he's had at least a few hours of sleep. That's all he wants. A whole night would be great, but he will do with a few hours.

Hearing noises a few hours later, Castle groans and glances at the clock to see what time it was. 7 AM, not bad for two children completely excited to see what Santa had brought them. Listening to the noises Kate study's them as she feels Castle move in the bed.

"Are my babies coming?" She asks, reaching over to pull on Castle hoping he will help her sit up.

"I think so." He smiles and reaches an arm around his wife and helping her up into a seated position. Within seconds, two blurry blobs had entered the room, and one jumped on the bed.

"Up mommy up!" Victoria cries as she stands on Kate's side of the bed. She can see the girl standing next to her bed, but she can't seem to judge how far away she is.

"Put your arms up, make a bear pose for mommy, I will get you," Kate tells the little girl as she reaches out to lift her up. Having some struggle Victoria is moving all around and making it hard for Kate to get a good view and pull the toddler into her lap.

"Chill, Victoria." Kate sighs as she finally gets a grip on her daughter and lifts her up onto the bed. Giving her a kiss, Kate smiles as she smells her daughters hair. Since Victoria was a baby the little girl has had pretty fine hair and Kate has always used baby shampoo on her hair to keep it soft and smelling good. Ever since Kate had started losing her sight, her sense of smell had heightened, and she was open to a whole new world of smells she'd never smelt before.

"Let's go daddy! I want to open presents!" The seven-year-old says as he pulls on his dad urging him to get up.

"Hold on buddy, give mommy and daddy a second, mommy has to take her meds." Castle sighs as he lets go of his son and slides off the bed. The boy crosses his arms and protests as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"I'm mad at you!" Sidney grumbles as Castle comes back out with Kate's pill case, her eye drops, and a plastic cup of water in case Kate ended up dropping it, it would not break.

"Hey, mommy comes first right now."

"I can ask Santa to come back and take away the presents," Castle warns as he hands Kate her the pills and helps her with the cup of water.

"No daddy no!" He whines as Castle helps with Kate's eye drops. It's still a slight struggle today but with Victoria on Kate's lap it has seemed to help her calm down.

"I thought so." Castle chuckles as his antsy son shakes the bed.

"I know you are excited buddy but daddy is not done yet and I need to finish this for mommy," He says, just as he hears the door unlock.

"Richard? Katherine?" Martha starts.

"Katie?" Jim adds.

"Why don't you go greet Gram and Papa, Mommy, Daddy, and Toria, will be down in a second once mommy gets her other eye drops," Castle tells his son as he hears the two downstairs moving around more.

"Up here mother!" Castle yells glancing down at Sidney, who had ran towards the stairs. He finds Martha and Jim halfway down the stairs as he was going to greet them and drags them up the stairs towards his mother, father, and sister. Walking into the bedroom, the two go to say hi but are stopped by the cries of Kate. It's hard to watch when someone you love is suffering.

Castle had been sure, just two weeks ago that his wife could take the eye drops. She'd been doing so good, and it would take Castle less than a minute to squirt the drops in her eyes. According to Kate, though, the formula had changed, and it was just thick enough she could tell the difference.

"Baby, please, I know you don't like it, but I have to do this." Castle sighs sadly as he sits on the bed an arm around his wife as he holds her head back. She's flinching as she lets the tears fall from her eyes.

"Come on Sidney, let's go make breakfast with Papa, Mommy and Daddy need a few minutes." Martha sighs as she walks over and helps Sidney off the bed. Jim follows and takes Victoria from a crying Kate.

Heading down the stairs, Martha is holding Sidney's hand, careful not to let him fall.

"Gram?" He asks her as they walk into the kitchen.

"What buddy?" Martha answers pulling the cans of cinnamon rolls out of the fridge so she can bake them and they can eat.

"What's wrong with Mommy, why is she sad?"

"Mommy has to take medicine in her eyes to help them stay healthy; sometimes it makes mommy not feel so good." Martha says, trying to explain it to her grandson the best she could.

While the four of them prepared breakfast, Martha could hear Kate's cries and the struggles from the two. It killed Martha to hear them struggle but knew it had to be done and hoped that after the holiday was over they could try and get a new formula for her.

"Go sit down Sidney, breakfast is ready, and I think mommy and daddy are coming. If you eat, I'm sure daddy will let you go open presents." Jim tells Sidney as he cuts up small pieces of the cinnamon roll for Victoria to eat. He knows she'll make a mess so before she digs into much Jim hunts around the kitchen for a bib. He finds one moments later and slaps it on her and lets her go to town. Helping Sidney onto one of the barstools Martha kisses his head softly and smiles making sure he is secure and will not fall off.

Moments later footsteps are heard coming down the stairs as Castle carefully helps Kate down the stairs.

"Two more steps, then you are at the bottom, and don't worry, I've got ya." Castle smiles as he holds a firm grip on Kate's arm.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Sidney beams, as he hears his father's voice.

"Hey, buddy!" Castle smiles as he helps Kate onto a barstool.

"Did you help Gram make breakfast?" He asks as he shifts, letting go of Kate and making sure she's on the barstool and will not fall off.

"Uh-Huh!" The boy beams smashing another piece of his cinnamon roll into his face.

"Are they good Sid?" Kate asks as she waits for hers to be put in front of her. She can smell them, and they are amazing.

"Yeah, really good! I like these!" He giggles softly turning to smile at his mother. It makes him feel sad because he knows his mother won't ever see his smile again. He's not completely sure why but Kate and Castle are trying to tell him bit by bit of what they know he will understand.

"Eat up, Katherine." Martha smiles putting a plate in front of Kate. It takes Kate a second to study the surroundings in front of her but she finds the roll and starts to chow down. All Kate can see is barely the edges of the plate and the cinnamon roll so blurry it takes up the whole plate.

The family finishes eating about ten minutes later, and Sidney is finally able to go open presents. He's let loose, and the first thing he sees is the bike. He's so excited he can't help but beam from ear to ear as he tries to sit on it.

"Mommy! Look what Santa brought me!" He smiles ringing the bell that was on the bike. This is when it broke her heart. Hearing him say 'Look Mommy.' Back a few year ago, she might have been able to decipher the boy from the bike, but today, they are one. She's trying to be happy for him, but it's hard.

Letting Sidney work on a few more presents, Martha sits with Victoria and helps her unwrap some of her presents from Santa. Her favorite though had been the building blocks as She had always liked to come and knock down Sidney's towers and make him mad. Now she could build her own and knock them down.

There had been talk lately of having another kid. Both Sidney and Victoria had been rather easy to conceive, and they knew that wouldn't be their issue. The two had talked one night for a long time trying to decide if this was something Kate could handle emotionally. She struggles sometimes with not being able to see her children clearly and it has gotten to her in the past. Kate's become worse now than when she had had Victoria, and Castle was unsure she could handle it. The two had planned on three kids since the day they got married, and Kate had told Castle she would need some time to really think about it. Having had time to think about it and made sure that the last time they had sex, Castle forgot the condom, Kate could finally let out the secret. The only people who knew where Martha and her father and told her, they would cover for her as long as possible. Kate had thought about telling no one once she found out but for safety reasons she felt the need to tell Martha and her father. It was easy for her to test because, the last time they got pregnant, Castle had bought Kate the digital ones, and with Kate's phone she had an app that could read things out loud to her. It used the phone's camera and would detect text it found on the screen and read it. She knew he had no clue because thankfully Kate had not had any morning sickness and that's a for sure telltale sign that someone is pregnant.

Having Martha hand Kate a small long box she handed it to Castle. He had thought it was a pen when it shook it trying to figure out what it was. He had already opened the nice shirts and ties, loving each and every one of them. She had told him this was his big present even though it was in a small box. Sitting in his father's lap, Sidney had wanted to be there to see what his father was getting. Ripping open the paper Castle fiddles with the box trying to get it open so he can see what's inside. Once open, Castle takes a good hard look at the test and has to take a few double takes.

"Is this for real?" Castle nervously chuckles as he stares at the test.

"Yes, I've even had a doctor confirm it." Kate beams as Castle picks up Sidney and goes over to squeeze his wife.

"We are having a baby; I can't believe it!"

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed! I figure'd I'd stop here and do a part two. I have plenty more ideas that would work a lot better if I did a part two. This is a record chapter length for me I think. Unless you count chapter one of my published book. Anyways Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate and be thankful I am here so the I can give Kate and Castle all the kids, the writers won't give. Also thanks for all the reviews makes me feel good!**


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe you are pregnant!" Castle beams as he reaches over and pulls his wife into his arms.

"Are you sure you want this?" Castle is worried now as it hits him. They had talked about having another kid but could not remember if Kate had fully made the decision that she was ready to have another kid.

"Oh, I'm sure, I wouldn't have made you forget that condom would I?" Kate chuckles as she tries to kiss her husband. He notices what she wants and helps her to his lips as he kisses her again.

"I'm still in shock."

"Me too."

"Do you know how far along you are?" Castle asks shifting so he can put his wife in his lap and rest his hands on her stomach.

"Doctor told me roughly 12 weeks. My due date is September 8th." She tells him as she rests her hand on his.

Letting the magic last for a few more minutes, Kate and Rick are watching the kids play happily while Martha and Jim sit on the couch watching.

"Can I go ride my bike papa?" Sidney asks as he runs up to his grandfather and tries to pull himself into the mans lap. Helping him up, Jim sighs as he adjusts the boy on his lap.

"You have to ask daddy, but I'm sure he will say yes." Jim smiles softly at Sidney as he jumps down and runs over to his father.

"Daddy, we go ride my bike?" He asks, pulling on Castle as he begs to go outside.

"Sure, buddy, we just need to get some warm clothes on, its cold and snowing outside," He tells Sidney as he gets up and helps Kate up off the floor.

Ushering his son up to his room to change, Castle takes Kate to their room so they can change. She wants to go outside to see her son on his bike, but the fact that she can't see him makes her want to just stay inside.

"You don't have to do this you know." Castle sighs as he kisses his wife's head softly.

"I know, but I think I want to." Kate smiles softly humming as she feels her husband kiss her.

"Are you sure?"

"I wasn't at first, but I need to get out of the house, it will be good for me."

They get dressed and the family heads downstairs. It takes them a few minutes to set up Sidney's bike and get outside so Castle can help him ride his bike up and down the block. Before they leave, Castle grabs a lawn chair for Kate, and they head out.

Heading outside, Martha is holding Victoria as Jim holds the bike and Castle makes sure Kate is safely down the stairs. It's cold when they do make it outside, but everyone is all bundled up so it's not that bad. Putting Kate into the chair, Martha sets Victoria in Kate's lap so she can help Castle with Sidney.

It does not take him long, and Sidney is riding up and down the block on his new bike. He's in heaven, zooming up and down the street like a race car driver. He wants to take the training wheels off a while later, but Castle has to explain to him that they will once the snow melts and it's not so cold and wet.

Zooming past his mother, Sidney lets out a huge giggle and the brightest smile Castle has ever seen. He's happy, which makes Castle happy, which hopefully makes Kate happy. She had thought she'd love being outside. She did, but only because it was the fresh air. Yes, she could see her son but barely. As he whizzed by on his bike, all Kate could see was a blob of color. He was so blurry; Kate could barely make him out. She hated not being able to see him clearly.

Some of her friends had asked her if this would be something she could have fixed. That she could have surgery, and it would be reversed and go away. Sadly she had to tell them no. She hated having to tell someone she loved that she loved that she would never see them again. That no matter what they did it could never be fixed.

Sighing, Kate sat in the chair. She could feel antsy Victoria on her lap as she kissed the little girls head. She knew she wanted to get down, but Kate could not let her.

"Down, down!" The girl cried as she kicked her feet.

"Mommy says no, we have to get daddy." Kate sighs softly holding her daughter tighter.

"Down mommy, down!"

"No, Victoria, mommy can't see you on the ground, hold on ok?"

"Rick?!" Kate calls out as Jim comes up behind her.

"What do you need Katie?" He asks, carefully coming around to her front so she can see him hopefully.

"Take her daddy, she needs to get down," Kate sighs, waiting for her father to take her two-year-old from her lap. He does and puts the little girl on his hip.

"What do you think baby girl?" Jim smiles softly rocking the child on his hip. She's not happy because she's not on the ground running around.

"Ok, hold papa's hand," He says, setting her wobbly legs on the ground.

"There you go little one; let's go walk to see daddy."

Kate is sitting in her chair as she listens to her father. It makes her happy to hear her father interact with her youngest. She's having a bad day, but this is helping her. Its slowly but surly bringing up her spirits.

"You watching mommy?" The little boy asks as she zooms by again.

"I am baby; you are doing great!" She smiles hearing his little bell ring.

"Five more minutes Sid, daddy is hungry."

"Buhh Daddy!" The boy pouts as he zooms past again.

"Don't but me, Sidney Jude Perlmutter," Castle warns watching his son ride back towards him.

"Mommy want's to go inside too; it's getting cold."

"Fine…" He pouts getting off his bike and walking up to his gram. When his mother is mentioned, Sidney seems to listen better and react better to things. He knows how much his mother needs his father care and when his dad says let's go, he means it.

Packing up their things, the family heads upstairs to the warmth of the loft and starts on lunch. It's just a simple ham dinner, but Ham seems to be the thing that everyone seems to like in the family. While putting the ham in the oven, Castle had remembered he had one last gift for his wife. He'd been so excited about the new baby he completely forgot about his gift.

Helping Gram set the table; Sidney wraps the napkins in the holders just as Martha had showed him. It was easy, but something he enjoyed doing and loved helping.

"Thank you for helping Sidney, Gram really appreciates it." Martha smiles as she kisses his head.

Serving up lunch, the family sits down to have the meal and just enjoy the company. Before he forgets, though, Castle gives Kate her last gift. He starts off by telling her he was so wrapped up in the news of the new baby that he had completely forgotten about this gift. He continues on by dropping little hints about what it may be and finally gives her the gift.

"I can't give you the actual gift now because they are still in training but this is harness for your very own seeing-eye dog, I remember hearing the doctor say you qualified for one, but you were not ready," He says, setting the harness on the table.

"I know this is hard for you because you like to be independent, but I think this would help you even more, you won't need me as much anymore and with the baby coming they will be great help."

"You did this castle? You matched me?" She smiles softly.

"Yeah, I wanted you to be more confident, get out more by yourself," He says reaching over and hugging his wife.

"Thank you, babe, really, this means a lot to me."

"Always."

 **A/N: Ok so I know this is way under my 2,000-word goal, but I've been doing other things and wanted to get this to a stopping point. Oh, and by the way, I'm referring to the dog as "They" because "They" still does not have a name. I need your help for that. In my other fanfic, the Castle's service dog's name is Dax. I have two service dogs in my book I'm writing named Parsley and Blu. If you have any ideas on what he/she should be named, please shoot the ideas in the reviews. It would be nice if the dog had some kind of Castle themed name that's something Kate would pick because it's her dog. I'll take boy and girl names. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed.**


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